Stumbling Toward the Light

"We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly" -- Madeleine L'Engle

A collection of thoughts and messages I wrote after my daughter died May 17, 2000. Primarily this blog is concerned with grief, bereavement, the death of a child, hope, courage and a tough faith journey.

Location: Kansas, United States

Husband, father of four, friend, dog owner, owned by a cat, Episcopalian, last liberal Republican left in the U.S.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


This is my one and only attempt at writing a form of poetry called a sonnet:


And do the bright celestial fires of heav’n cry unto Thee
Hosannas in their spinning dervish dance within the void?
Do tigers in the kill and feast on bloodied victim cloyed
Lift joyful heads with roaring mouths of praising, pointed teeth?
The pounding wave, the locust’s wail, the droning honey bee;
Are these joined with angelic host, a Te Deum employed,
Raised up unto Thy majesty, a graceful song deployed?
How can I know if Thou canst see and hear this symphony?

The sunset’s pallette filled with colors bright against the sky,
A field of wheat blown by the wind, a seeming sea of grain,
The June bug’s hum, the fire fly’s quiv’ring path above the lawn;
The sights and sounds, these still small voices whisper at my side,
“I AM, You are, in life, in death, in joy, in grief, in pain,
Encircling Love weaves through your soul; Come dance and sing my song."

Bill Sowers


I dreamed I was aloft in the sky. Surprised at my position.... up among light fair weather clouds.... looking down at the earth.... I gasped.... and gasped again.

Feathers? Feathers moved on either side of my peripheral vision.... a flash of bright white mixed with glints of gold reflecting the sun.

A bird holding me in soft talons? An angel bearing me off to heaven?

Fearful, I slowly moved my head to my right and saw a wing..... to the left and another wing, both beating faintly, holding me in a warm updraft above the summer landscape below. I started in surprise and as I jerked I drifted through the air gliding slowly toward some distant hills. I reached my hands behind me touching my back and the epiphany was complete... Wings... My wings.

Like a toddler taking his first steps I slowly began to use my newly discovered muscles to beat my wings. Tumbling in the sky only to steady myself and try again for what seemed like hours I finally mastered the elementary movements of flight..... and then it was time to play.

Soaring, diving and speeding through the sky like a hawk seeking its prey I was Joy in flight.

I stopped, hovering over a field of sunflowers dancing in a soft breeze, their faces all looking upward toward their namesake. A thousand suns below me lifted me upwards and I began to climb quickly, wings beating with power..... starward with golden white wings which would not melt before the flaming glory of the sun..... Free, in flight.... to the stars.