Stumbling Toward the Light

"We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly" -- Madeleine L'Engle

A collection of thoughts and messages I wrote after my daughter died May 17, 2000. Primarily this blog is concerned with grief, bereavement, the death of a child, hope, courage and a tough faith journey.

Location: Kansas, United States

Husband, father of four, friend, dog owner, owned by a cat, Episcopalian, last liberal Republican left in the U.S.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


I dreamed I was aloft in the sky. Surprised at my position.... up among light fair weather clouds.... looking down at the earth.... I gasped.... and gasped again.

Feathers? Feathers moved on either side of my peripheral vision.... a flash of bright white mixed with glints of gold reflecting the sun.

A bird holding me in soft talons? An angel bearing me off to heaven?

Fearful, I slowly moved my head to my right and saw a wing..... to the left and another wing, both beating faintly, holding me in a warm updraft above the summer landscape below. I started in surprise and as I jerked I drifted through the air gliding slowly toward some distant hills. I reached my hands behind me touching my back and the epiphany was complete... Wings... My wings.

Like a toddler taking his first steps I slowly began to use my newly discovered muscles to beat my wings. Tumbling in the sky only to steady myself and try again for what seemed like hours I finally mastered the elementary movements of flight..... and then it was time to play.

Soaring, diving and speeding through the sky like a hawk seeking its prey I was Joy in flight.

I stopped, hovering over a field of sunflowers dancing in a soft breeze, their faces all looking upward toward their namesake. A thousand suns below me lifted me upwards and I began to climb quickly, wings beating with power..... starward with golden white wings which would not melt before the flaming glory of the sun..... Free, in flight.... to the stars.


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